Welcome to No Fatties, the worlds #1 male escort service. How do we stay #1? By never serving fat chicks. These living land barges need not come knocking at No Fatties because at No Fatties there is one rule and one rule only. NO FATTIES!

To contact us please send evidence that you are not a fatty to rj_robot@freakingretard.com

Some women ask us "What is a Fatty?"

If you have to ask you clearly are one. Quit writing us you fat fat piece of lard!!!

It should be clear to anyone who is not a Fatty what a Fatty is. They are a pestilence on this planet. They must be wiped out!

Enough about Fatties though. Lets get on to the gorgeous men of No Fatties!

Just look at this fat piece of crap!

Hi. I'm Corky and I am a SEX MACHINE. I like my cars fast, my wine coolers cold, and my wrestling professional. Only one thing I don't like. FATTIES! Nothing is a bigger turnoff for the Cork-ster then some 90 pound walrus flopping along the pavement. Go back to the sewers morlock!

So if you like The Bachelor and gray pubic hair, remember, Corky is your man!

Come Pop Corky!

Hi, I'm Steve Myers and I want to be your next senator. I also want to ROCK YOUR WORLD. As long as you are not a Fatty that is.

You may have heard about proposition 345 or as the media has started calling it, the Get Rid of Fats bill. I dream of a world where our children are safe from being devourered by Fatties. I also dream of pleasuring strange women.

Give Steve Myers a call and you will get more then just a handshake. Roarrrrrrrrrr!!

I want to get rid of all the Fatties!
We here at No Fatties take pride in what we do. We provide companionship for non-fatties at reasonable prices. The important thing to remember is that none of our men have ever touched a Fatty. How many male escort services can say that? I'll tell you how many. One, and that one is No Fatties.

Why does God hate us so much that he fills the world with so many Fatties?

Attention all non-fatties! No Fatties has an all new man and he is ready for women. A gruff macho man with exotic features and the sexiest accent you have ever heard, Sean has all the thing women want! He may not speak much English, but body language can go a long way ladies. We have taught him to say one thing though. Can you guess what it is?

NO FATTIES!!!

The newest member of the No Fatties family.