| Save Tiffany: |
i don't know what you mean by "chill" |
| Merlin744: |
I am online, but may be away from my computer right now. |
| Merlin744: |
oh you |
| Merlin744: |
chill is a state of mind |
| Merlin744: |
good show, anyways |
| Save Tiffany: |
i thought the nina simone song was pretty "chill" then |
| Save Tiffany: |
i thought it was terrible |
| Save Tiffany: |
nothing fucking worked |
| Save Tiffany: |
the comp was fucked up |
| Merlin744: |
really. ew |
| Save Tiffany: |
mic 2 wasn't working |
| Merlin744: |
'did you have to do playlists by hand? |
| Merlin744: |
yea...... those mics are really pissing me off |
| Save Tiffany: |
headphones weren't working |
| Merlin744: |
we went from 4 to 2 |
| Merlin744: |
and if you complain about it... loren will just scream at you... lol |
| Merlin744: |
it was really really nice having 4 mics.... when we have guests on the chill zone |
| Save Tiffany: |
yeah.... |
| Save Tiffany: |
and the new cd players suck |
| Merlin744: |
did they break yet |
| Save Tiffany: |
they always skip to the last track automatically |
| Save Tiffany: |
they take forever to read the cd |
| Merlin744: |
yea they were quirky for me |
| Merlin744: |
im gonna bring my CDJs to every show from now on |
| Merlin744: |
which is only like.... 13 more  |
| Save Tiffany: |
oh, and when i tried to put a cd on repeat at the end of the show, it stopped after each track |
| Save Tiffany: |
no one could figure it out |
| Merlin744: |
it will take a month to get anything fixed......... grrrrrrrrrr |
| Merlin744: |
hey so did your research proposal turn out good? |
| Save Tiffany: |
i don't know yet |
| Merlin744: |
oooooh can I be one of your interview subjects ? |
| Save Tiffany: |
you're not a conservation student |
| Save Tiffany: |
so no |
| Merlin744: |
boo |
| Merlin744: |
soo is the rest of your week lookin' pretty easy? or do you have lotsa work left to do ...? |
| Save Tiffany: |
i don't really know right now |
| Merlin744: |
I would like to see you again. I was thinking I could call you tomorrow or tuesday, when I have some ideas...? |
| Save Tiffany: |
do you feel like we have a lot in common? |
| Merlin744: |
yes |
| Merlin744: |
yes yes! |
| Merlin744: |
when you said you're a star trek junkie. my heart fluttered |
| Save Tiffany: |
like what? |
| Merlin744: |
we are both independent minds........... spirits of our own destiny, not driven by someone else's ideals. |
| Merlin744: |
I am fascinated by everything you say |
| Merlin744: |
I'm no expert on match-making. I'm nmot even proposing that we are match. I just like spending time with you, I know this much |
| Save Tiffany: |
okay |
| Merlin744: |
my biggest fear in life right now is that I'm too scared to even try and meet new people... and simply blame it on my handicaps life has thrown at me |
| Merlin744: |
because thats so easy to do.... |
| Save Tiffany: |
but you are okay now. |
| Merlin744: |
I hate most girls that I meet once I get to know them |
| Merlin744: |
no.. I'm doing alright |
| Merlin744: |
im getting bye |
| Merlin744: |
but I'm in constant pain all day every day...... that's not even counting the lonesomeness that has struck me the past 5 years |
| Save Tiffany: |
everyone is lonely, |
| Save Tiffany: |
even if you have someone that doesn't make the loneliness go away |
| Save Tiffany: |
you have to be happy with yourself first |
| Save Tiffany: |
that's hard to learn |
| Save Tiffany: |
i would know |
| Save Tiffany: |
relationships are too often just substitutes for loving yourself |
| Merlin744: |
I am happy with myself. I'm as proud as I could possibly be. but one thing is for sure, I have never made a connection with a girl |
| Merlin744: |
i'm so picky who I even allow in my personal space.. I suppose I have isolated myself |
| Save Tiffany: |
it seems odd to me that you say that |
| Save Tiffany: |
because you came on so strongly |
| Merlin744: |
the message you sent me hit a soft spot....... in a very painful time |
| Merlin744: |
It doesnt matter how many drugs I take every day... I still need someone to tell me nice things, reassurances |
| Merlin744: |
I'm really scared that im going to die alone |
| Merlin744: |
I almost did once |
| Merlin744: |
and I see very little prospect that I will connect with someone unless I go all out |
| Save Tiffany: |
i don't think that's true, |
| Merlin744: |
people say that but then they go along their lives and i'm left alone to figure out the world by myself |
| Merlin744: |
it's really scary |
| Merlin744: |
every time I have ever thought there was a special girl worth... really putting my best effort into ,I have failed |
| Merlin744: |
I dont see any hope |
| Merlin744: |
you are as special as I can imagine |
| Merlin744: |
I don't want to let it slip by and fade away |
| Merlin744: |
I apologize if I have come on to you strongly |
| Merlin744: |
i have never done this |
| Merlin744: |
usually I take it 10x slower and by the time I have enough guts to tell a girl how I feel... it's too late. we're already too good of friends. she's not interested |
| Merlin744: |
I have more female friends than I care to count and all they are good for is a facebook message once every 6 months |
| Merlin744: |
last time I tried to take a girl out on "dates"........ I wasn't clear enough with my intentions |
| Merlin744: |
when I tried to kiss on her on the .... 6th official "date"... she turned away disgusted |
| Merlin744: |
my friend of 3 years she was.......... and I haven't talked to her in 9 months |
| Merlin744: |
she just decided im not worth it. not worth anything? I have no idea |
| Save Tiffany: |
maybe she didn't know what you wanted. |
| Save Tiffany: |
and was surprised |
| Merlin744: |
yea, surely |
| Save Tiffany: |
and now is too embarassed by her actions |
| Merlin744: |
even though I kept telling her how much I liked her |
| Merlin744: |
I didn't make it clear |
| Merlin744: |
that I need someone clse |
| Merlin744: |
for the first time ever |
| Merlin744: |
you make me feel warm fuzzy tingles in my stomach and all I know is it feels really good. makes me forget about all those pains |
| Save Tiffany: |
do you see how much responsibility you are giving me by saying that though? |
| Merlin744: |
no |
| Save Tiffany: |
that i am taking away your pain? |
| Merlin744: |
is that not good? |
| Merlin744: |
pain is my relationship for the past 4 years |
| Merlin744: |
ever since I lie in the hospital bed I didn't care how much morphine they pumped into me. all I wanted was someone there to hold my hand............ that wasnt scared..... of me |
| Merlin744: |
and im sure that I have scared you away already, right |
| Save Tiffany: |
you make me feel responsible for helping you feel better |
| Merlin744: |
? that is good though |
| Merlin744: |
I will be in pain for the rest of my life |
| Merlin744: |
the doctors tell me I will be on all the strongest narcotics forever |
| Save Tiffany: |
the doctors told you a lot of things that didn't turn out to be true |
| Merlin744: |
and the emotional pain.......... is an entirely different issue |
| Merlin744: |
please can we talk about this in person |
| Merlin744: |
ims cant do justice |
| Merlin744: |
im not speaking clearly |
| Save Tiffany: |
sure. |
| Merlin744: |
ok thx |
| Merlin744: |
im going to lie down now |
| Merlin744: |
iiiiiinstead of falling asleep in my chair again hah |
| Merlin744: |
bye bye please dont feel responsible for anything........... you are like a bonus unexpected relief |
| Save Tiffany: |
okay |
| Merlin744: |
I can live my life alone but its a lot harder |
| Merlin744: |
goodnight |
| Save Tiffany: |
goodnight |