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"Broken Umbrellas"

A long story-

I spent over a year struggling with my MFA thesis, a live-action film called “Umbrellas,” about creatures that were part human/ part umbrella. In my previous projects I had worked small, either with puppets or animation, or myself as the subject. But since this was my thesis, I decided to make it big, and I mean big. It was a good idea to start out with, but somehow it blossomed into a project that was both grandly ambitious and utterly directionless.  As I spent more and more time in my head planning the project, I got increasingly distant from the actual materials. I repeatedly attempted to save the film, by re-writing the script, each time incorporating whatever new ideas were exciting to me at the moment. Many things came up along the way that delayed my shooting, such as other projects, a broken wrist, and food poisoning. But none of these things were as detrimental to the project as my lack of clear vision or relationship with my materials.
But, I didn’t want to give up. Partly because of all the people involved, partly because of the cost of an additional semester of school, and partly because I didn’t want to be a failure. Every time I mentioned the possibility of quitting my friends encouraged me to push ahead, perhaps assuming that I just needed a confidence boost.

A week before the main shoot we began to build the set. Surrounded by many wonderful volunteers and various materials, I realized that I still didn’t know what the set needed should look like. I tried to pull through, getting my assistants to help me come up with ideas, but it was far too late.  I was incredibly embarrassed and angry with myself for still not having figured it out after all this time.  Finally, my producer asked me, “Do you really want to go ahead with this?”  Hell no.

My relationship with this project was like dating a mentally-ill individual. You keep hoping that they’ll get better, and sometimes they are great, more than great- fantastic. But ultimately you just have to accept that it’s never getting better and get out.

So I ended it. But I still had a studio. A studio full of umbrellas and costumes, and quite coincidentally, a green screen with lights. I thought, maybe I can still shoot my film, I could shoot my characters against a green screen, then project them into a miniature set. So, I put on the umbrella creature’s costume, picked up a tattered umbrella, and began to walk around in front of the green screen.

Then, I decided to attack the umbrella. To wrap it around me, to try to destroy it and battle my way out of it.

When I projected the footage on my wall, I was shocked by how beautiful it was.  I had only meant for it to be an experiment.

I then pulled stills from the video. I was so enamored with these images- they seemed to contain the dark eeriness of umbrellas that I had been unable to capture in any of my costume designs. I kept processing these images, first cutting them out as silhouettes and taping them on top of educational cards, then turning them into cards of their own with related words. Then, I printed them out very large, about 5 feet tall.

What I realized from this experience is that I need to stay in touch with my materials. Too much planning and not enough doing is detrimental to my artistic process. I also was treating my materials with too much respect. Since the umbrellas were expensive to purchase, I was afraid to really destroy them. The ending of the project gave me the freedom to take control of them.

I hope to continue to work with these images. I’m going to try to make more ink drawings, and play them chronologically to create a sort of animation.