Subject: ouch!
From: captain (captain@armadillo.net)
Date: Tue Aug 24 1999 - 14:48:18 CDT
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down.
You'll just have to be a little patient."
--=[|]=--
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately
destroyed in afire.
Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
--=[|]=--
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady
diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he
had to go out and trap some more but the only birds he could
find were sickly so he went to get medicine for them. On the
way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road.
Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately,
he was arrested and charged with transporting ill seagull drugs
across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
--=[|]=--
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated
that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for
any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed
his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said,
"Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
--=[|]=--
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin. One
slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.
All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.
This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal
to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
--=[|]=--
Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts
wanted to produce other products and, since they already made
the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses
for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their
watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so
poor that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than
California. Thus, of course, expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
--=[|]=--
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have
absolutely nothing to go on."
--=[|]=--
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off,
chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the
medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief
shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
--=[|]=--
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining
to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have
taken Leif off my census."
-- +----------------------------------------------------------+ | captain@armadillo.net http://www.armadillo.net/~captain | | All original material is copyright ©1999 Armadillo Comm. | | Please refrain from adding me to any lists or databases. | +----------------------------------------------------------+
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