dale earnhardt lives at my mutha fuckin house
take one bitches

plot:  dale earnhardt crashes alex's car because he doesnt know how to turn right

praveen:  (looks at a bunch of dirty dishes in dismay) what the hell!...(goes to the living room)....hey man...do you know who piled up those dishes over there?

sanjay:  no man...i know i havent even eaten here for the past couple of days

praveen: who made this mess?

sanjay: dont ask me

(alex enters house)

alex:  sup y'all...damn your kitchen looks like shit

praveen: i didnt notice

<laugh track placed here>

alex: dude...i bet it was dale

praveen: no man...i havent seen him leave that attic for days now...i always tell him to come down, but he says hes working on something

alex: i dont know dude...lets go ask him

<they walk over to attic door...yell dale's name>

dale: hold on a sec...hold on a sec...let me get this thing open (opens attic door)...eh man, do any of y'all have a winston?

<laugh track placed here>

dale: hey...can i borrow one of y'all's cars...i need to go to the auto shop

praveen: why do you need to go to the auto shop?

alex: hey man, did you leave these dishes here?

dale: uh, yeah...sorry bout that...i was havin a little...uh..barbeque... 

praveen: man, you need to clean these dishes...we're having company tonight

dale: alright...(sniffles)...damn its hot up here...and im cramped!! why you gotta put me up in this attic?!!

alex: dale, we told you...you gotta stop bossing people around...your pit crew's not here anymore to do all the work for you.

dale: yeah, yeah...you got that winston?

<camera shows reaction shot of alex and fades out to dale theme music>

<the next scene takes place in the kitchen where dale is washing the dishes...he's talking thru a hand's free cell phone mic>

dale: yeah gary..i need to know if their still gonna sponsor me...no i dont have a car yet...im gon git one here in the next couple days...you know i cant put up that much money...just talk to them for me...burn some time

alex: dale, who are you talking to?...that mic isnt even connected to a cell phone.

dale: yeah...ill talk to you later...let me know what happens gary...alright...let me know...(looks at alex) what'd you want?

alex: dale, you know you werent talking to anybody.

dale: how'd you figure?

alex: that microphone isnt even connected to anything!

<laugh track placed here>

dale: (sigh)...listen...we need more dishwashing soap....(talks slow, like he's talking to a retard)...can i borrow yer car to go to the store and git some?

<alex goes over to sink and checks to see if there is any soap left in the bottle...he looks at dale for a sec>

alex: alright...theres a grocery store a couple blocks from here, down the street, to your right...i want you to promise me you'll come right back though (hands him over the keys)

dale: yew have my werd

<the next scene starts with dale in the driveway honking the horn...he looks a bit panicked>

dale: hey!...hey man...

praveen: what?!

dale: hey man...uhh...i kind of...uhh...got in a...uhh...a little...uhh...wreck....now before you say anything...ill git my boys to work on it...it'll look like new

alex: what the hell happenned to my car!!! how'd this happen??!!!

dale: (musters his way out of the car) well i was uhh...at the stop light...and this guy on his motor bike....uhh...he was revin' it up real good...and uh...you know...we got to racin...and the road was curvin right...and uh...i hit this light post...a pole....(sighs)...my sincerest apologies

alex: you were racing?!!

dale: i couldnt help it man...he was revvin' up his engine

alex: you hit a pole!!

dale: i kind of fergot...man...i cant turn right so good

alex: you mean to tell me that you cant turn right!!?

dale: you know man...you've seen all the races...we all turn left...i didnt think it'd be any different to turn right...you know?

<laugh track placed here>

alex: it isnt any different dale!!!! (gets a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lights one)

dale: hey man...d'ya think i could bum one of those?

<laugh track placed here>