I was doing time in an ultra-max security prison on a remote island somewhere in the Atlantic.  I knew lots of jokes and got in good with the warden.  I got out early on good behavior.

They dropped me off in the middle of the ocean.  Since I wasn’t familiar with the area, I phoned an old friend.  He told me he’d get me a ride and to sit tight.  I said “I’ll just stay right here” but I said it sarcastically because I was floating in the middle of the ocean.

When my ride showed up, it was a dolphin.  I guess I should have guessed it would be something like that in a place like this.

Not a word was spoken the entire ride.  I just held onto his fin silently the whole time.

When we finally got there, as I was dismounting him, the oddest thing happened.  The dolphin pulled a stack of DVDs from under his fin and handed them to me.  He wanted me to sell them to the people on the beach for 9 dollars a pop.

I had no intention of hawking this dolphin’s DVDs but I took them politely and walked away.

As I walked away, he squealed and chirped at me; he wanted me to try to sell them right then and there.  But I just muttered “Sorry…” under my breath and turned away.

I was living at a halfway house and working at Costco.  The days were long and the nights were longer.  The DVDs sat in a pile behind the couch.

What the heck? I mean really…what the hell?  This dolphin I don’t even know wants me to sell his DVDs?  I know exactly how his stupid animal brain works.  He doesn’t understand the economics of it.  He just has this primal notion that if he hands his DVDs to someone, he’ll somehow end up with food on his table.  He doesn’t understand the process.

In anger and pure boredom I put one of the DVDs in the player.  It was called Dolphins Gone Wild: Tanked in Orlando.  On the screen little dolphins swam in little pairs in a big glass tank.  When a little man in a body suit pointed at the sky the dolphins leapt from the water in perfect unison and flew nose first into the sky.  When they couldn’t fly any higher, they tucked their noses into their belly buttons and did 3 perfect front flips before landing back in the water without making a splash.  They jumped again and again.

When they jumped for the last time I cried and cried into the kitchen sink.  My tears went through the sewers but never made it to the ocean.

(story written by Aaron Raff)