Letter to Shayna
the making of
My project piece was my letter to my dying self. It took me about two weeks to write because I really gave it a lot of thinking. The slideshow of pictures is a compliation of pictures I already had in my portfolio and pictures purposefully taken for the project. Chase Casanova took the series of pictures where I am in deep thought and contemplation. I layed John Mayer's "Stop this Train" over the slideshow, so I had that to help me time out the pictures. There were a few moments during the instrumental break where my letter correlated with the pictures and that was coincendence! I knew I wanted to project the images on myself so wearing white and having the table on the stage was crucial! Suzanne really hooked me up with the mic, cords, and mixer; I had a rehearsal the night before and she got me hooked up into the sound system. That was the hardest, most stressful part of the project because I knew that without amplification I wouldn't be heard. Days before the performance, I still wasn't sure how I would physically represent the transition. I had the music planned to go from John Mayer to Kid Cudi but I didn't know what the performance would consist of. Then it dawned on me to have confetti guns and poppers! I was really happy with that epiphany because I could easily go to party city and get the props, I could involve my audience, and I could really make my point with living life in the moment. The video section of the project was footage from an outting at Zilker with my boyfriend. I'm really pleased with the editting of those videos. The timing really worked out!
During the performance I was supposed to shoot off the large confetti gun but it didn't go off! While the audience watched the videos, I signaled my boyfriend over and I told him to use his strength to get it to fire. When he finally got it to work, it was perfect because it was right at the end of the video! I couldn't have been happier for plans to not go right because the confetti gun going off was the perfect ending !!
behind the scenes
I first got this idea to communicate with my dying self after a long period of anxiety. Decisions about the future were really weighing on me and I didn't like how scared it made me. I started to observe my obessive thoughts about regret. If I'm too nervous to live life without knowing what might happen then I am not free. I can't worry about my older self and if she will wish I had gone straight to graduate school or would have not given up on singing and acting. It dawned on me to write a letter to her, as if it would ease my anxiety because I would get the chance to explain myself to myself. I took those feelings of anxiety and potential regret calmed them with a letter. "Stop This Train" is a song I've always loved and thought expressed my anxiety. As I wrote the letter with the song, I started to realize and find the lesson in it, which is not to worry about her. If I am happy, she will be happy for me.