The Introduction

Raw Footage of the Performance

The Performance Edited by Elijah Parker

The Commentary

Setting Up

On presentation day, I turned off all the lights and set tea light candles on the floor of the ACTLab to establish a pathway. The pathway led up the steps onto the stage.

On the stage, the picture hung in the middle of a blackboard facing the curtain. The blackboard was pushed far back against the curtain which forced the viewer to be squeezed between the curtain and the screaming image and view the painting alone. A small table stood underneath the painting with two large candles for illumination.

This is me setting up everything as everyone waits outside the room.

After setting up, I went out into the hall and gave everyone an introduction before they entered the space.

BEHIND THE SCENES

For our first project, I waited for a meaningful concept to arrive in my head and beg to be physicalized, but after a couple of weeks, nothing came. I began to think about the art I have created up to this point and I questioned what it reflected of me. I've always been proud of my work and expressed important notions through it, but I wondered if anything was ever a raw, potent and direct expression of me. Something I feel, know, endure. I began to assess my state of mind and body. I decided to paint an image that reflected the energy and emotion that I observed within myself...I typed more here, but deleted it. The more I explain the more I am defeating the purpose of merely expressing myself through art.

I will reflect on the project's relation to the course. Trans in several ways defines the experience of being between two things, limbo, in the middle, etc. Something is pushing against you, it is countering you. The water represents the overwhelming, terrifying debilitation of that force. The water is all around, pushing from every direction and is fatal. At times, the feeling of being trans is like drowning. Frustrating, overwhelming, paralyzing, nerve-racking, terrifying.

I've never painted before so the process of learning how to paint while doing it was amazing. It did exactly what I wanted it to do: relax me. It was therapeutic and productive.

THE MAKING OF

my creative space

lips!

then she could scream

her face

getting ready for the bubbles

blowing bubbles

actually i am blowing the liquitex paint medium in the shape i want. then i drop dots of paint in it and use a toothpick to swirl it around. it is fun to work with and creates great texture!