This is my second exploration into dreams and delirium. I got the idea for this
project in the middle of the night during spring break while I was at my parent's
house. I woke up with an unsettling feeling, perhaps I had just had a nightmare, I
don't remember. In my dreamy state I wandered into the bathroom. When I was at the
sink, I had a terrible feeling come over me, and I was afraid to look into the
mirror. I was scared that instead of seeing myself, I would see a different image,
a demon face, someone else's face, something not real. Throughout my life I've
sometimes had this irrational fear. So I decided to present it as a performance
piece. Along the way in developing the piece I realized since it had mostly to do
with mirrors, that I could add another layer of delirium. You see, ever since I
was little I spent a lot of time talking to myself in front of bathroom mirrors.
And I liked to play this game where I'd lean in as close as possible to the mirror
and stare nose to nose back at my reflection. Then I'd focus on thinking that the
person staring back at me was not me. Every time I do this, it scares me. I don't
recognize my own face and I am terrified. After awhile I would get brave and I'd
do the same thing, but I'd also smile at myself. This was even worse, because then
the face staring back at me looked like it was smiling maniacally.
I took these ideas and made a performance piece. Since I don't have a video of the
performance, I wrote this description so you can imagine it: A girl wakes from a
nightmare. She walks to her sink and splashes cold water on her face. She lifts
her head from the sink and sees a reflection of herself which looks evil and not
like her real reflection. She screams and looks away. She looks back at the
mirror, this time with some curiosity, and whispers to herself, "This is not me,"
as she gets closer to the mirror, she stops whispering, and smiles at herself. The
smile scares her and she shreaks and turns away. Blackout.
Building the set took the most work. I made the hanging mirror from a picture
frame with the help of my boyfriend Taft. I found the frame at Goodwill and we
attached wires we bought from a hardware store. The hanging mirror had two parts,
wires that ended in hooks and the frame had shorter wires attached to it that
ended in hooks. That way I could set up the wires before hand by hanging them from
the light grid in the Act Lab and then attach the frame by the hooks when it was
time for the performance.
The second part that I had to build was the sink. I used a borrowed mic stand and
bought a large silver mixing bowl. Then with Taft's help, I brought the bowl into
the woodshop in the art building and drilled a hole into the bottom of it that
would allow it to fit onto the mic stand. Vois la! A sink!
Once I had my set constructed, I asked my friend Bette Bentley, a theatre major at
UT, to be my actress. She was wonderful, and in one rehersal had the piece down
perfectly. My friend and fellow Act Labbie, Lace, came to the last rehersal and
helped with lighting. I used an LED flashlight with a red gel over it as one light and
I manuevered the Act Lab's lighting on the stage for the normal light. In the
performance, Lace controlled the main light and I controlled the flashlight.
