When I first signed up for a class called "Death," I had all kinds of preconceived notions about what the class would be like.  Dark material, depressing subject matter, and tons of goth kids.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  What I got, was a class with the most unique teacher I have ever had, and a group of students who, although very different from one another, came together as a unit and each brought something to the table.  I am, first and foremost, a writer.  That has always been my creative outlet, along with filmmaking, and with this class I wanted to explore other ways of expressing myself.  For my projects, I dabbled in photography, public speaking, and art.  Some of these endeavors didn't turn out quite like I had hoped, and some were more powerful than I would have expected, but nonetheless. . .here they are for the whole world to see.

PROJECT 1  "Suicidal Tendencies"  Slide Photography Documentation

My first project was a real learning experience.  I wanted to explore suicide and the different ways people take their lives, from the basic to the most extreme.  Having been through two major depressions in my life, and being suicidal at times during both, this was a project I really wanted to undertake.  I think suicide is one of the most powerful forms of content displayed in media.  It's the ultimate choice one has, and sometimes, the ultimate battle too.  Maybe the fact that it is the most drastic representation of death, would explain why I, like many others, have always been obsessed with it.  Much of my work, whether it be screenplays, short stories, or poetry, have been influenced by thoughts and images of suicide.  Having only used a manual 35mm camera once, I decided to try and explore my talent (or lack there of) again for this project.  I assumed that slides would be the best way to present these images to a mass group, but after seeing the way they looked on an old projector, I'm not sure that was the best choice.  I had many ideas for this project, but decided against using actors and depicting the act of, because of how cliched it seemed.  By taking the people out of the act, and just photographing the scenes and instruments used, I wanted to give a real coldness and far removed feeling from the subject matter.  I enjoyed this project immensely and put more though into it than I could convey to the class when I presented, partly because of my nervousness and less than stellar presentation. 

 

PROJECT 2  "Second Chance"  Death Letter Reading

Having had more experience with death up close and personal than most of my peers, I really wanted to share one of my most life-changing experiences with the class.  When I was seventeen and a senior in high school, I found out I had a brain tumor.  This was the most emotional and life defining event in my life.  I learned more about myself, about people, and about life in general during this time than in any other period of my life.  The tumor was bigger than the size of a golf ball, and resided in the lower right side hemisphere of my brain.  I had to have surgery, and the night before, I wrote a letter to everyone tying up my loose ends.  This letter, was written with the impression of my impending death at the time.  It turned out, the surgery went off without a hitch, although at the time I wrote this, my chances were not that good.  Reading this letter out loud was a cathartic and terrifying experience at the same time.  I cried twice, though I tried my hardest not to, and rarely made eye contact as I read the letter.  Still though, I think this made a fair impression on the class, because it was the first project done that dealt with somebody in the class actually facing death.  I look at my life as three separate parts, all of them distinct entities in their own right.  There was life before my father died, life before the brain tumor, and life as I live it now.  This letter represents the end of my second life.

PROJECT 3  "Shattered"  Art Piece

My original idea for my third project was a film about my father's death, and how it affected my family.  It was the catalyst of many horrible things, and still is to this day.  It probably had the biggest effect on my life up until the brain tumor, and still to some degree affects me every day.  People who have never had someone in their nuclear family die, especially when the family is still young and fragile, still growing, have no idea the impact it has on those family members left behind.  I treasure the pictures of my father more than anything in my possession.  They are the last real tie I have to him.  I think pictures in general are so disturbing, because they represent both life and death at the same time.  They depict action and life, but in contrast, those actions are not in real time and the people captured in them have died, either metaphorically speaking or in the literal sense.  If you can't understand this, then entertain this scenario for a moment.  When you get pictures back from a party or gathering you had two weeks before, viewing the pictures usually makes you smile and feel nothing but joy, because it's still so recent in your mind.  But when you look at pictures from five years ago, you may still smile, but the feelings behind the smile are now different.  They are feelings of sadness or regret, longing or sentiment.  I often have the urge to jump back into pictures or turn back time to the very moment it was taken, especially with photos of my father.  I decided to do something with these, these photos of when my life was normal, and I had the "perfect family."  I came up with the idea to shatter a plaster vase, cut the pictures up to fit on each of the broken shards, and then reassemble the vase back together.  It was quite an ordeal and time-consuming project, but well worth it.  I cut my father out of each picture symbolically, and made other cuts as well, that only I know the reason behind.  The vase itself shattered into 27 pieces, and putting it back together was a real puzzle in itself.  To top the presentation off, I put twelve dozen dead roses in it.