Today's modern fountain of youth doesn't come from science, magic, aliens, or mysterious forces. No, today's fountain of youth comes from our good friends at Hostess. That's right, the Twinkie, your favorite snack food, may help you live forever.
The Secrete of the Twinkie:
We all know that a Twinkie will last forever. The key to it's eternal being is in the special longevity preservatives that are found in it's cream filling. Much like how vitamins build up in your body if you take them everyday, if you eat Twinkies everyday the longevity preservatives will build up. If you get enough longevity preservative built up you can prolong your life, and if maintaining a continual consumption you could in theory live forever.
Recommended Consumption:
Based on preliminary testing, the recommended consumption is about two boxes of Twinkies per day. That's around twenty little golden delights every 24 hours.
For some, there are concerns with this intake of Hostess goodness, and it should be stated that there are alternatives. One could instead drink a gallon of prune juice in lieu of one box of Twinkies. That's approximately two gallons of prune juice per day.
In addition, there are many these days who are watching and avoiding carbs. Fortunately, there is a simple solution. The important part of the Twinkie is the cream filling. In order to get the filling with out the outer breading, one simply needs to insert a drinking straw and voila, eternity to go.