We were parking up the Blazer getting ready to leave El Paso for Vegas when Aaron came out of his apartment, "Did anyone bring toilet paper? We don't want anyone to have to pull a Ryan."Confused by this Val mouthed the words to herself, "Pull a Ryan?"

Everyone stood around the Blazer waiting for an explanation as to what that meant. Those who did know had that stupid awkward grin, the crooked half smile on their face, remembering the first time they had heard the story. "So are you going to tell them?" Adrian looked at me, "or do I have to tell them."

Knowing that if Adrian told the story it wouldn't be as good as if I told it I began. "About a month ago me and Adrian went up to Cloudcroft to mountain biking. We rode about sixteen miles, five on the road and eleven on the trail. I was great, but after riding almost all morning we were starved. A bottle and a half of Gatorade after the ride and Powerbar during the ride are exactly the things your stomach craves.

We headed into Alamagordo for food. Wendy's was the place. I had double quarter-pounder with cheese, Biggie Fries, a Sprite, and a Frosty. You know those shake-like things they have. Anyways we left as soon as we finished eating. About forty-five minutes later my stomach started making this low grumble. I felt a sharp pain from the pressure that was building up in my stomach. WARRRR-WOOORRR-WORRR-WARR. My stomach was making all kinds of noises. Adrian over here was dozing off, while I was staring at the side of the road hoping to find a place to pull over. For miles there wasn't anything site. I keep looking. There isn't shit out there between here and Alamagordo. I kept staring at every bush sizing it up to see if I could take a crap behind it hoping that it would provide some privacy from the highway. Adrian wakes up looks at me asks if I'm okay. At that moment I notice a place that is good enough to go to. I slam on the breaks. Grab the napkins that were left on the dashboard from breakfast that morning and run out of the car. I'm jumping over bushes, and I jump into this ditch, drop my shorts and just let it go.

It was a horrible shit the kind that just shoots out of your ass, kind of watery, but at the same time solid. My ass burned. It was this nasty orange crap that shot out. Probably orange from all that Gatorade that I had earlier. I had only a few napkins. So I used them the best I could, you know folding them over after you wiped once. I finished. Walked back to the car."

Everyone had started to laugh, you know the kind of laugh when something is so disgusting that it is funny as shit kind of laugh. I couldn't help but to start to laugh as I told this story. "That's not all" I continued. "As I approached the car, my stomach started making its noises again. WARRRR-WOOORRR-WORRR- WARR. "Fuck!" I yelled to myself. Adrian was crashed out in the car. I opened the car door and grabbed some newspaper that was in back seat just in case the two napkins I had wouldn't be enough. Ran back to the ditch. Dropped trowel, and let it fly. This one hurt worse than the first. I sat there squatting over my shoes praying that I don't shit on them. This time is was full-blown liquid squirting out my ass. I knew that it would take more than the two napkins. I started to wrinkle the newspaper to hopefully soften it up. No matter what I did I knew it wasn't going to work. I wiped my ass with the newspaper. It seemed like I had to wipe my ass a hundred times to get it clean. I couldn't walk right for a week, my ass was rubbed so raw."

"And that's why we always take toilet paper with us even if it is only a two and half hour drive. It don't matter, I ain't pulling a Ryan." Aaron commented and walked into the house to get a roll of toilet paper before we left.