DISSECTION
What better way to figure out who one is on the inside than to dissect him or herself? The Egyptians believed that a person had numerous aspects to their identity. One such element was that of the "double." Figuring that the best way to prevent having to kill myself (as a means of figuring out what components made me a person), I decided that I would pithe my "double." Surprisingly, my double (who I will keep nameless) was listed in the phonebook. After a rather pleasant conversation on the phone with her, I invited my double over to my house for a lunch that she believed would consist of full stomachs and the usual chit chat. However, she was terribly alarmed when I forcibly struck her over the noggin with a wooden rolling pin. I would have preferred her not to have such a horrified look upon her face, but I could not be so picky considering she was my only double.
Once pithed, I discerned numerous helpful facts about my double and thus myself. Cigarette box lungs, tequila liver, and a stomach full of rotting food. I was not very glamorous on the inside. These physical traces left me slightly disappointed that I was not more interesting. So I proceeded to search my double's belongings, discovering her journal. Skimming the pages, I found numerous poems and stories that revealed encounters with death and fear. An almost irrational fear of needles... I guess pinning back the skin with the hypodermic needles wasn't a good idea then. A sad fear of being forgotten... explaining fascination with film and eyes made out of tape reels. Though I regret having to kill my double, I am grateful for the information with which she has provided me. I believe I will have to send her family a letter of apology...or perhaps a letter of thanks?