Project 1 Project 2 Project 3

 
ACTLab Productions 2005-2007

Dreams & Delirium

Project 2

 

For my second Dreams project I decided to do my own spin on Charolette Perkins Gilman's "The Yellow Wallpaper". This book essentially reads as a diary of a woman who is suffering severe depression after the birth of her child and ends up becoming delirious because of the obnoxious yellow wallpaper in her room. I decided to relate this story to my class with a more modern and personal twist by creating a diary for a fake girl who lived through a summary of events that happened to a friend and myself in highschool. We were both raped by the same person in highschool and by recounting the events that happened to us in the form of a diary, I hoped to show how experiences like those can lead the victim into a sort of sad delirium and inability to cope with some of the pressures put on young women by magazines and overly sexualized female characters on TV and in movies.

Here I have included pictures of the actual pages of the diary and also typed out on the side what the page says. Hopefully that will make the pages easier to read, and you can some what follow along . Throughout the typed text there are little notes about how the changing use of a pen or stickers reflects the condition of "Brittany Smith".

 

 

 
 
Title page of the diary. Stickers and pink pens are used to show how girly Brittany is.

January 3, 2006

"So today me & Laci went shopping!! I know Spring Formal is months away, but I'm so excited! My dress is totally 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'! Laci's dress isn't that cute but I didn't want to hurt her..."

"...feelings. Well, Mark will be here soon - we're going to the movies! He's the sweetest & so cute!"

 

January 4, 2006

"So tonight is the big game!!! I can't wait to cheer tonight! Then we have a huge party planned!! It's going to be AWESOME! I love cheering! Especially all the looks I get from boys when I'm bouncing around in my little skirt!! Ha!..."

"...I hate to say it but I'm definately the cutest girl on our squad! This one guy from another school brings his friends to watch me cheer! Haha! What dorks! But I totally give them a show! Laci says it's creepy but I think it's funny. She's just jealous. I love her though!..."
"...Well, I gotta run! Warm ups start in half an hour!"

January 7, 2006

"Man it was so cold today!! Mark is mad at me I think. He isn't talking to me. I hope he gets over it soon - it's time to start planning for Spring Break!!!!"

January 13, 2006

"Mark broke up with me. He's dating some Freshman bitch. I can't BELIEVE him. What an asshole. THEN to top it all off, Laci an Stephanie confronted me about throwing up at lunch. It's none of their business! If i want to stay skinny, I'll fucking throw up my lunch. Plus that way I don't gget sick when we run after lunch. Either way, bathing suit season..."

"...will be here in no time & since I'm single now I have to look great. I can't wait for the hot tub party on Friday. mark will be there & I'm going to look HOT in my bikini. Then he'll know what he's missing. Asshole. I'm glad we're not toegether anymore. Guys are giong to be ALL OVER ME! he totally messed up. And that little slut he's with. That won't last long. She's such a..."
"...little whore. I can't believe he'd give up 2 years for a freshman slut. Well, I guess it doesn't matter anyway. We're going to different schools in the fall. And now i'm the schools most eligible bachelorette. Like the show!! I should totally go on that show haha! Well, I'm going to skip dinner and go to the gym. I have no appetite and a lot of stuff I can work out on a treadmill."

January 23, 2006

"Well, the hot tub party was amazing! All these guys were hitting on me & buying me drinks and Mark was just staring at me all night. He looked so pissed off! Haha!! Those 3 guys that like to come watch me cheer were there too. Me & Cassi couldn't figure out who invited them but whatever. One of them is kind of cute. They were totally staring at me all night! Laci got super drunk and threw up! I laughed so hard. See if she..."

"...ever confronts me again! Anyway, I hope the guys come to the next party - I'm totally going to talk to him. I wonder if I should wear the low cute sweater like Jennifer Aniston of the super mini skirt like Angelina. Maybe both! Hahaha! Ooh! I got my senior pictures today!!! I HATE THEM! But Cassi says I look good. Ha! I guess it's an okay picture. Well, I guess i'm going to have to make amends..."
"...with Lacie and Steph again before the cheer trip next month. Maybe I'll call her later. Well me & Cass are going to get some salads. Only a few more weeks til SPRING BREAK!"

February 8, 2006

"So I finally met my secret admirorer. His name is CHASE and he's in college! He's so much more mature than Mar. he got my phone number so hopefully he'll call me. He's SO hot & he said I'm super mature for my age. He's SO cool. Mark was so pissed off watching us talk! I hope Chase calls!"

"He called!!!!! He says there's a party tonight. I'll have to sneak out - he said he'll pick me up at midnight!!!"

February 9, 2006

"I had the most amazing time with Chase last night. We go SO trashed!!! It was awesome partying with older kids. I met ths girl Jasmine - she was so cool. We're going to get make overs tomorrow before Valentine's Day. Chase said he has a big surprise for me!!"

February 14, 2006

"VALENTINE'S DAY!! I am SO excited about tonigiht!!! Chase is picking me up at 7pm & we're ging to eat and then to the dance. I CAN'T WAIT!"

 
 

February 14, 2006 - 6pm

I'm so excited I can't even think straight. Vday is going to be so great tonight! & Cass & Laci just called on 3way & we talked about SPRING BREAK!!!!"

February 15, 2006

"I feel kind of weird today. Chas took me to dinner last night & then we went to the dance. It was great. He paid for dinner & whispered the songs in my ear when we danced. It was so perfec. Then we went to his place after the dance. He kept feeding me drinks and asking me about being a virgin & if i was ready to lose it or if I was waiting for marriage. I told him I didn't know but he just kept pushing it & I felt really weird about it. He started kissing me and forcing himself on me..."

"...I told him to stop & that I wanted to go home. He seemed really pissed off but he apologized when we got to my driveway. He was probably just drunk. I really like him so I hope he doesn't think I'm lame for not having sex with him. I hope he calls me so I can explain..."

February 18, 2006 (note that the pen changes to black ink)

"So I'm not a virgin anymore."

February 20, 2006

"Chase isn't returning my calls. I don't know what to do. I told him I wasn't ready. He just kept gettin me more & more drunk & before I knew it my clothes were off and he was inside me. It hurt so bad & I told him to stop & he just kept going and said it would get better. His roommate & him were talking after, while i was getting dressed, and he told his roommate 'if she didn't want it she wouldn't dress that way' and laughed..."

February 21, 2006

"Well Spring Break is only a few weeks away. I don't think I'm going to go to Cancun. Laci & Steph & Cass say I should. I just don't feel up for it. I just don't even want to be around guys in a bathing suit now. I just feel like they're looking at me like a piece of meat. Some of the girls on the squad have been making fun of me for wearing clothes that aren't..."

"...'trendy' lately. It's been lots of sweatshirts & jeans lately. Tiffany overheard some girls in the bathroom saying I was pregnant. Chase still hasn't called."

February 24, 2006

"I'm thinking of quitting the squad. My mom says I shoud stick it out but I just don't have the enthusiasm for it. I'm always looking for Chase in the stands. He still isn't returning my calls. I feel so different now. I wonder if that is what sex does to you."

March 1, 2006

"So I quit the squad. My mom is super pissed. I don't care. Mark called me to see if i was alright. Am I alright? FUCK NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT! Oh yeah, him & the freshman are retardedly happy. What gives him the fucking nerve ?!?!?!"

March 2, 2006

"My mom just caught me throwing up. She said I should see a doctor. Fuck that. She asked me if I'm pregnant. Fucking idiot. You know, all these dumb bitches I thought were my friends are setting themselves up for this shit. And I'm tired of everyone talking shit about me. Where are my friends?"

March 12, 2006

"Everyone left for SB today. I'm staying home. No sense going if none of those people talk to me anymore. Cassi & Laci asked me nicely nt to come anyway. They say I'm a huge bummer lately & that quitting the squad pretty much sealed my fate. Fuck it."

March 20, 2006

"IF SHE DIDN'T WANT IT SHE WOULDN'T DRESS THAT WAY..."

Notice here that the ink changes again from black pen to a black marker for emphasis.

March 24, 2006

"I told my mom Chase raped me. She's taking me to a clinic or something so this will be my last entry for a while."

This is the last entry I have done for the diary. I may include more later, but for now this is where Brittany's story ends.