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Mission Statement:
In my never-ending quest for knowledge, I have decided to attempt the unthinkable. I will build the greatest and most powerful robot in all creation. I do this not for myself or even for humanity. I do this for science and to prove that it can be done.
For years it has been the position of robotics experts worldwide that no greater robot could ever be produced than Tobor, a robot so mighty his life story was turned into the docu-drama Tobor The Great (1954). Tobor was a man-made monster with every human emotion and that is what made him great.
Would be usurpers to the title of GREATEST ROBOT
I would like to point out that when I say great, I do not mean useful or subservient to mankind. My robot will surely bring about a better world when he rules over us all with an iron hand but he will not blindly serve man. He will think of us as weak, fleshy moving targets, incapable of thinking logically or escaping his terrible wrath. My robot will not be one of those pussy androids that bakes brownies all day and gives out free handjobs.
Would you like some delicious brownies Captain?
Or perhaps something else...
My biggest challenge was to find a way to improve on Tobor who is arguably perfect already. My first decision was to make him only thirteen inches tall. This may seem like a petty attempt to save money but is in fact a stroke of strategic brilliance. People underestimated Tobor and he was nearly ten feet tall! Image how easily a foot tall Tobor could catch his enemies off guard.
Like Dollman, my robot will be thirteen inches...with an attitude
My second decision was to change the process by which this new Tobor was to be made. Tobor started as a mere machine but was then infused with emotions. Tobor has the ability to understand emotions and that is what puts him ahead of all other robots. My plan is to not only grant my robot emotions but life itself.
After spending weeks reading ancient tomes by the greatest scientist and alchemists that have ever lived, I gave up and just looked up what I needed on the internet.
I intend to go through with the process I have concocted, and if successful, I will keep an extensive journal of the robots progress as I prepare it for world domination.
May the robot God have mercy on us all...
Let's Get to Know Our Navigation Bar Robots
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Woodman is the chubby robot with an embarrassing name that all the other robots make fun of. If you contain your laughter and resist the urge to pinch his gut, he might show you his Star Trek fan fiction. Avoid this at all costs. Woodman has the amazing power to throw leaves at people, a power only possessed by him and any idiot with a leaf blower
Quote: You will be blown away by the power of wood! Stop laughing you son of a bitch!
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Bubbleman makes fun of Woodman constantly to deflect attention away from his own stupid name. Bubbleman is a mean bitter little robot with a chip on his shoulder. Don't make fun of his outfit. He designed it himself and once bit a man's finger off for calling him Robofrog. Bubbleman beats up on Metalman to make himself feel better, but deep down he knows that anyone can whip Metalman's ass. Bubbleman has the amazing ability to shoot bubbles at people. He calls them "lead bubbles" but it has been well documented that Superman can see through them.
Quote: I love blowing bubbles. What do you mean who's bubbles?...Oh fuck you. Real mature.
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Airman combines all the power, intelligence, and personality of an oscillating fan. The other robots dislike him but keep him around when the weather is hot. Sometimes the other robots throw Metalman into Airman's gaping maw just to hear the hilarious whacking sounds it makes.
Quote: Wirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
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Metalman is by far the biggest pussy of all the robots on the navigation bar, and is, therefore, in charge of guarding the information section since nobody goes there anway. After Metalman failed to kill Megaman, he started pretending he was a doctor to "get chicks." He of course, has never had sex in his life since even Woodman can wipe the floor with this sad sad excuse for a robot. Metalman has the ability to throw gears larger than his body. This sounds like a good ability, but for some reason, Metalman was designed to explode when anything harder than wet Kleenex came into contact with him.
Quote: Hey baby. Ever make it with a doctor?
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Last but not least (the least is Metalman) we have Quickman. If you are older than four you can probably guess how all the other robots make fun of him. You can also assume that he got his name from an ex-girlfriend. HA HA HA. Lord I'm funny. Anyway, Quickman annoys the other robots by showing up too early for parties, talking too fast, and ejaculating before anyone else gets a chance. Ha Ha. *rim shot* Thank you. I'll be here all week.
Quote: Wanna say that to my face you website making motherfucker!
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